Looking on the bright side of Blue Monday: psychology for leaders to break through, not break down in a crisis
Laozi: “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
Written by Natalia Smalyuk
Blue Monday – allegedly the saddest day of the year – is upon us. It’s cold outside, holiday cheer has worn off, we are in a lockdown and “Zoomed” out again. For those who lead organizations through the cycles of the COVID crisis, it may be hard to see light at the end of the tunnel, with an uncertain year looming ahead and the hassles of managing socially disconnected teams. And if that weren’t enough, there’s the fatigue.
Enter the dimension of crises that’s often swept under the rug – their volatile psychology. That’s where the battleground is right now. Looking on the bright side, Blue Monday is a great time to open an uncomfortable conversation about how organizations respond to crises. This blog offers insights into psychology to help leaders enable growth during trying times.
IT’S A LONG HAUL – BRACE YOURSELF
COVID is undoubtedly unlike any other crisis in our lifetime, but past experience and science taught us a lot. Kathryn Brohman and Dane Jensen from the Smith School of Business suggest that crises pass through similar stages: pre-disaster, impact, heroic, honeymoon, disillusionment and reconstruction. Each comes with its psychological challenges and implications, short and long term.
We remember how, at the onset of the pandemic, organizations achieved the impossible moving to virtual offices, schools, courts and e-commerce capabilities seemingly overnight. This is what Brohman and Jensen call the “honeymoon phase” of a crisis. We also saw long lines in supermarkets and staples like toilet paper, noodles and rice flying off the shelves from Canada to Singapore. That’s also a typical crisis response. To protect themselves and be in control, people “feel the need to do something that’s proportionate to what they perceive is the level of the crisis” when hand-washing may seem too ordinary, says Steven Taylor, a professor at the University of British Columbia and author of The Psychology of Pandemics.
Today, many of us find ourselves in what Brohman and Jensen call the “valley of disillusionment,” a crisis phase that lasts much longer than the “honeymoon.” We know COVID is here to stay. Longer hours, back-to-back virtual meetings and blurry lines between work and home result in energy dropping, decisions taking longer and tensions rising in relationships. There is a lot of stress in the workplace.
MANAGE YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL UPS AND DOWNS
The antidote to stress is resilience, which starts with self-awareness. A Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said: “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” In a crisis, it’s essential for leaders to manage their own internal experience first. Psychologists say members of a group tend to adopt the emotions and behaviours of its highest-status individuals. This means leaders should be intentional about their impact on the team because they model their demeanor across the organization.
STRATEGIES TO CONSIDER:
Check in with yourself.
What’s happening in your mind and body? Is there a surge of adrenaline? Urge to grab control, snap at someone or withdraw? Don’t jump into action. Pause. Observe your internal reactions. Researchers say we can get better at reading our own emotional responses, including fear, anxiety and aggression, choosing an appropriate external response. Leaders can also work on their ability to open their minds and explore new insights together with their teams. The takeaway here: practice conversations that dial up on empathy and discovery.
Understand your impact on the team.
A leader should be aware of their impact on the team and, ideally, align it with their intentions. Listen to what your colleagues are saying – and not saying. Ask them for feedback so you can process how they respond to your behaviour. To gain a deeper understanding of your strengths and blind spots, take a survey designed to improve interpersonal communication. Life Orientations Training (LIFO (R)), for example, is an applied behavioural science system based on the work of Erich Fromm, Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow that helps leaders identify their behavioural style under both favourable and stressful conditions.
KEEP YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID KIT CLOSE BY
In a recent workshop, an executive told me that every day feels like a live crisis simulation. COVID is forcing leaders to do a job they have not signed up for: full-time crisis management. How can they keep their emotions, assumptions and conclusions in check when pushed to the edge? It’s a tough job, and executives should keep their psychological first aid kit close by.
STRATEGIES TO CONSIDER:
Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes.
You will likely do or say something you will regret. That’s o.k. Admit your mistakes. Apologize quickly, if you need to. Don’t get stuck on recycling your negative experiences – worrying takes up valuable mental space that you need to chart the course through the crisis. Instead, learn from what happened, focus on restoring trust and move on.
Keep calm and carry on.
“Sometimes, carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement,” said Albert Camus. Don’t be hard on yourself when feeling down. Recover your emotional energy, ask for time out, making sure someone you trust can take over, and don’t hunker down. A long, exhausting crisis is the time to lean on the networks built over a lifetime for support, including friends, family and mentors.
Get things off your chest.
It’s o.k. to vent. In fact, it’s healthy. Of course, you can only share your emotional burdens with someone you trust who has your best interest in mind. A good coach will listen to your thoughts and fears with a supportive ear, asking probing questions and offering encouragement without giving simplistic solutions. If your stress is persistent, a therapist could be part of your support network.
CREATE SAFE SPACE WITHIN ORGANIZATIONS
Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. said: “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.” In a crisis, relationships are more important than ever, and they are also built – and destroyed – faster than ever.
We may hear a manager say: “I can’t believe she did that. That’s not like her.” This is a sign of blind spots. The behaviour could indeed be out of character, but it’s also possible the manager commenting on it is applying the wrong or outdated assumptions in a business context that has changed. Interestingly, half of the Life Orientations Training (LIFO (R)) survey respondents appear to have the same success pattern under favourable and stressful conditions, while, in the other half, it changes.
Behind the scenes operates the biochemistry of the brain. When confronted with a threatening situation, it floods with cortisol, a neurotransmitter shutting down the prefrontal cortex. Judith E. Glaser, the author of “Conversational Intelligence,” says that area of the brain enables advanced human capacities, such as trust, empathy, integrity, good judgment, strategic thinking, learning and growth. The amygdala, which supports emotions including fear, anxiety and aggression, is then triggered to “fight or flight” – which, of course, is the opposite of what we need to do in a crisis.
STRATEGIES TO CONSIDER:
Pivot from judging to appreciating.
Neuroscientists consider the human need to belong more powerful than physical safety and security. In fact, a feeling of fitting into the tribe is critical to mental health. At the same time, exclusion and what employees may perceive as emotional rejection could be more painful than physical trauma. To avoid a cascade of negative brain chemistry, leaders can pivot from judging and criticizing to acknowledging the value of everyone on the team, making their co-workers feel safe. So, let them know you are on their side. Show you want them to succeed. Leaders who honour, respect and believe in their people rewire their brains and create a landscape of trust.
Share your world.
Many executives have been taught to sound confident and keep their cards close to their chest. However, “leaders who withhold information essentially shoot themselves in the foot because that breeds mistrust and uncertainty,” says psychologist Jeremy Hunter. A human brain has unique mirror neurons that help us connect with others, experience empathy and feel that “we’re all in this together.” Leaders who are able to put their guard down, be vulnerable and share their aspirations and fears in a state of openness create incredible bonds of trust. The takeaway: don’t hide your uncertainties from the team. Invite them in a conversation about what’s around the corner so you can shape the future together.
READ THE VIRTUAL ROOM
I hear executives say they now spend more time than ever maintaining their work relationships. In a virtual context communication is not intuitive. Glaser says our brains have evolved to put what we feel and think into words, but nonverbal cues still carry more weight. We allocate only seven per cent of importance to words, 38 per cent to tone of voice, and 55 per cent to nonverbal behaviours.
Unfortunately, smiley faces and emojis are not our true emotions. There’s a lot going on behind the screen. As any severe crisis, COVID breeds uncertainty, and employees may feel unsure about their role, where they fit in, how they can contribute and whether they’ll keep their jobs. Behind a thumbs up on Zoom could be a failure to check in with each other, ask deeper questions and reaffirm trust. Listening with “threatened” ears in a stressful environment, colleagues may miss important cues, misinterpret the messages and jump to conclusions, starting to live inside their inner world of drama that Glaser calls “movies of the mind.”
STRATEGIES TO CONSIDER:
Bridge reality gaps.
Even when we are in the same meeting, we take different notes. Gaps in assumptions and understanding are only natural: we all come from different backgrounds, experiences and even parts of the world. How we bridge the gaps in our interpretation of reality is what matters in relationships. Leaders should be aware of their blind spots getting in the way of connecting with the team mind-to-mind and heart-to-heart and not shy away from probing into unmet expectations, dealing with below-the-surface feelings and what’s behind them. Efforts to close the reality gaps – and start over again if distrust shows up – keep conversations from going off track.
Set the stage for effective conversations.
To build resilience, leaders should set the stage for positive interactions using transformational conversational skills. First is PRIMING. It’s about designing a conversational space where ideas and emotions can be shared safely. For example, you can work with the team to create rules for an important meeting: “every idea is valuable,” “there are no wrong answers.” REFRAMING is giving new meaning to a situation. For example, if someone is upset about a mistake they made, you can help them see it as a learning. Finally, one of the most essential skills in a crisis is redirecting – moving from being emotionally stuck to seeing new opportunities.
PUT PEOPLE BEFORE GOALS
Leaders are torn between hitting the numbers and supporting the team, with ever-rising expectations to meet. Simon Sinek reminds us that the purpose of business is not to make money, it’s to advance a greater purpose. In a confusing time, goals bring clarity directing the team’s energy to the right priorities, but overly aggressive targets create pressure, not performance. Gianpiero Petriglieri, an organizational behaviour professor at INSEAD, argues that, in a crisis, employees need what psychologists call “holding” – when leaders “acknowledge their emotions and give them a sense of context and reality” to move purposefully. The ability to soothe stress and help the team make sense of what’s happening stimulates the brain chemistry of nurturing, fostering environments where people stick together, validate each other and, ultimately, perform better.
STRATEGIES TO CONSIDER:
Put trust before task.
When we trust each other and play well as a team, we care enough to put in the kind of discretionary effort that is needed to produce excellent work. According to Glaser, trust serves up a cocktail of the brain’s feel-good chemicals, such as oxytocin. Scientists call it a “cuddle hormone” because “its power to create and restore a feeling of well-being is as good as a mother’s hug.”
Move towards each other.
At a distance physically, leaders should take the time to connect with the team emotionally. Of course, you won’t reach out to everyone in a large organization, but you can prioritize the quality of your virtual interactions over quantity. In a meeting, don’t get down to business right away. Go beyond a quick “How are you” to create social moments where the heart connects to the brain. By encouraging teams to open up, you build an inclusive culture that helps turn pressure into performance.
MOVE FROM STRESS TO CONNECTION, CONTRIBUTION AND CO-LEARNING
Crises are not all negative emotions and irrational behaviours. They also result in positive changes, such as feelings of altruism and strength, a revitalized sense of community, personal growth and societal improvements. Looking back in history, we see that big crises bring big breakthroughs. After World War II came commercial aviation and the mass production of penicillin. 9/11 led to enhanced airport security.
Mastering their emotions and helping the team embrace their greatness, leaders can shift the focus from stress to CONNECTION, CONTRIBUTION and CO-LEARNING. When people feel pushing through is worth the effort because they are moving towards new peaks of growth, pressure is imbued with purpose.
So, do we really have to feel blue on Blue Monday? Not if we go on to have great conversations that bring us together and lift us up to break through, not break down.
NBAU Consulting offers crisis leadership consulting, coaching and training to guide organizations through adversity and build resilience.